Preparing for Divorce: The Top 10 Tips You’ve Got to Know

To many people, preparing for divorce sounds cold, calculating, and more than a little bit manipulative. Yet, when you're facing the end of your marriage, nothing is more important than being prepared for what lies ahead. 

"Preparing for divorce" doesn't need to be sleazy, secretive, or underhanded. It doesn't mean you need to (or should!) spend years hiding money in offshore accounts, or carefully timing your divorce so that it puts your spouse at a disadvantage. It DOES mean that you need to understand how the divorce system works, have a firm grasp on your personal finances, know your rights and responsibilities, and create a concrete plan that will enable you to move forward with confidence BEFORE you dive into your divorce.

5 Key Takeaways About Preparing for Divorce

1. Start with your emotions.

​Preparing yourself emotionally before and during a divorce makes the whole process less reactive and dramatic. Getting support through a therapist, coach, or support group early helps you stay in control.

2. Get organized and gather documents.

Divorce is a document-driven process. Collect and organize financial records (tax returns, pay stubs, bank/credit statements, etc.) ahead of time to save stress, time, and attorney fees.

3. Educate yourself about the process and finances.

Understanding how divorce works, including your legal options and financial basics, gives you agency and helps you make better decisions rather than relying completely on others.

4. Build a plan and financial foundation.

Knowing your finances and making both a current and a post-divorce budget will help you transition more confidently and minimize surprises. This includes creating a financial plan and, if needed, working with financial professionals.

5. Assemble the right team and set realistic goals.

Having a team of professionals (a divorce lawyer, coach, financial advisor, therapist, etc.) ensures you’re supported on every front. Also, clarifying what you want and setting realistic goals helps you focus your efforts and achieve a better outcome.

When Preparing for Divorce, Motive Matters

Whether preparing for divorce is sleezy or smart depends both on your motives and on the kind of “preparation” you’re doing.

If your “preparation” includes hiding assets, diverting income, manipulating your kids, or doing anything else to disadvantage your spouse in your divorce, then YES! Your preparation is sleezy.  It’s also dishonest. Depending on exactly what you do, it may even be criminal.

Similarly, if your preparation includes doing something on purpose that you know will hurt your spouse or your kids, that's sleazy.

On the other hand, if your “preparation” includes learning about what you’ll be facing in your divorce, getting a handle on your finances, or putting together a solid divorce team, then NO. Your preparation is not sleezy. It’s smart.

What’s more, if your spouse has been abusive, either physically, financially, or emotionally, during your marriage, then taking the time to prepare for divorce isn't just smart. It’s absolutely essential.

Why You Should Prepare for Divorce

In most areas of life, people intuitively understand that being prepared is smart. The bigger and more important the issue that you're facing, the more you want to be prepared.

That’s why people spend months (or years!) planning their wedding. They want it to be perfect. So they spend an inordinate amount of time and tens of thousands of dollars on their wedding celebration, dress, flowers, photographs, food, etc. 

Yet, somehow, even though most people will gladly invest time and money to make sure their wedding goes well, they’re reluctant to do the same with their divorce.

In a way, that makes sense. A wedding is a happy event. A divorce … not so much!

Yet a divorce affects your life just as much, if not more, than your marriage. That’s because when you prepare for your wedding, you’re investing time and money in an event that happens in a single day.

When you prepare for your divorce, on the other hand, you’re investing time and money in your future. A divorce may be finalized in one day, but it takes months or years to go through the process.  And you can feel the legal, financial, and emotional ramifications of your divorce for the rest of your life.

That’s why preparing for divorce is so critically important.

The Benefits of Preparing for Divorce

The more you prepare for your divorce, the more you increase your confidence and decrease your anxiety.  When you feel ready for what's coming, you automatically become better able to deal with it.

Also, the more you prepare yourself for your divorce, the more time and money you are likely to save in the divorce process, and the more you increase your chances of getting the outcome you want.

Being prepared for divorce:

• Enables you to get a clear picture of your finances before you start your divorce. That, in turn, will help you position yourself to manage your finances after your divorce better.
• Prevents you from having to worry that important financial documents will suddenly “disappear” once the word “divorce” is mentioned.
• Saves you money in attorneys’ fees. Your attorney won’t have to subpoena information if you provide it to him/her from the start.
• Gives you the time you need to prepare yourself emotionally for what’s coming when you divorce.
• Allows you to start planning for your post-divorce life sooner rather than later. Having a concrete plan for how you and your kids will survive after your divorce will dramatically reduce your anxiety and stress as you go through your divorce.

Because preparing for divorce is so important, it’s worth knowing the best ways to do it.

10 Tips for Preparing for Divorce

1. Deal with Your Emotions First.

Emotions drive divorce. Period. They drive every argument. They fuel every court battle. And they cause most of the pain.

The more you allow your emotions to run wild, the more likely your divorce will spin out of control.

Of course, controlling your emotions while you’re going through a divorce is no easy task. Divorce is hugely emotional. No matter what you do, you’re going to lose it sometimes.

But, the more you can learn to keep your emotions in check, the less drama you will experience in your divorce.

Because of that, the smartest thing you can do is to start getting a handle on your emotions as soon as divorce becomes a possibility in your life.

Get yourself a therapist or a divorce coach, or join a divorce support group, as soon as possible. Waiting until you have a complete emotional melt-down before you get help is guaranteed to make your divorce more difficult to manage.

Resources

Here are some articles that will help you deal with the emotional aspects of divorce:

• 10 Tips to Help You Hang on to Your Emotional Health in Divorce
• Are These Emotional Triggers Sabotaging Your Divorce?
• Divorce Emotions: 7 Tips to Keep Them From Costing You

2. Get Organized & Collect Documents.

Divorce is a document-driven process. You are going to need to put together a small mountain of financial information in order to get through your divorce. (Sorry!)

You’re going to need to gather your income tax returns, W-2 forms, paycheck stubs, bank statements, credit card statements, and tons of other documents.

What’s more, it’s not going to be enough to just dump those documents in a pile on your attorney’s desk. You’ve got to get all your documents organized too.

The more you can organize your financial information for your attorney, the less money you will have to spend to have your attorney organize that information for you.

Of course, when you’re going through a divorce, focusing on anything takes longer. Focusing on organizing financial documents (especially if you weren’t the one who handled the family finances) is even more challenging.

That’s why getting organized in advance is so critically important. The more organized you can be going into your divorce, the more grief you will save yourself during your divorce.

Resources

Your FREE Divorce Tool Kit – Getting organized is easier when you know HOW to do it. This free divorce tool kit comes complete with a document checklist, a divorce checklist, AND a divorce process comparison chart. You’ll also get tips on how to tell your spouse you want a divorce and more. CLICK HERE to get your Divorce Tool Kit now.

3. Invest in Your Education.

The divorce process is not intuitive or user-friendly. It’s complicated and difficult. It doesn’t work the way most people think that it works.

The more you know about divorce before you start your divorce process, the easier it’s likely to go. But getting the education you need can be challenging for a variety of reasons:

• There's so much information about divorce available that a simple Google or ChatGPT search is likely to be overwhelming.
• You can't be sure that the information you find on the internet or through AI is accurate or complete.
• Different professionals have different opinions about what you should/shouldn't do. Getting conflicting information is common.
• You don't know what you don't know, so if you DON'T find important information, you won't know it until it's too late.

If you need help understanding divorce and how it actually works, getting a good divorce coach will be invaluable.  A huge part of the work I do with my private clients involves educating them about the divorce process and the options they'll have as they go through it.

Resources

The best way to learn about divorce is through private coaching. Or, if you'd prefer to go the DIY route, The Divorce Road Map 3.0 Online Program will give you access to the proprietary Divorce Road Map Framework that guides you through each step of your divorce. In it, you'll also discover how to save time and money, navigate your divorce with clarity, and avoid the most common divorce pitfalls,

CLICK HERE to check out The Divorce Road Map 3.0 now.

4. Understand Your Finances.

If you don’t want to end up behind the financial eight ball after your divorce you must understand how money works BEFORE you start the divorce process.

That means that you need to get comfortable working with numbers. If that thought scares you, it’s time to get over it. 

Not understanding how money works and not having a solid handle on your personal financial situation is the quickest way to get completely screwed over in your divorce.

... and, yes, that’s true even if you have a lawyer! A good divorce lawyer can make a huge difference in the outcome of your divorce. But lawyers can only work with the information they have.  You can’t divide your assets fairly unless you know what they are. You can’t know what your post-divorce lifestyle will look like unless you know what your income and expenses will be.

If dealing with numbers has never been your thing, then it's time to get financial help now. 

Resources

There are plenty of places online where you can learn the basics of personal finance. If getting a clear picture of your finances seems impossible to you right now, then getting help will be invaluable. My Divorce Solution can provide you with a team of experts and a proven method that will enable you to understand where you're at financially, and make a clear plan for moving forward.

The Divorce Road Map 3.0 will also help educate you on the financial issues you'll need to understand as you're going through your divorce.

5. Make A Financial Plan.

Understanding your finances is step one in preparing for divorce. Having a financial plan for your post-divorce future is step two.

Both are critically important when you're navigating a divorce.

A basic financial plan requires you to create two things: A budget and a balance sheet. You create both of those based on your current documents, including tax returns, account statements, credit card bills, etc.

Your post-divorce financial plan requires you to research what your projected income and expenses will be after your divorce. That includes projecting how much you will pay/receive in child and spousal support as well as your post-divorce living expenses.

If your finances are complicated, working with a divorce financial planner can be an enormous help. S/he can help you create a basic financial plan. A good financial planner can also help you create financial projections to show you how long your money will last, and how much you need to save to meet your future financial needs.

Many financial planners also work as financial investors. So, after they have helped you create a solid financial plan, they can also help you invest your money so that you achieve your financial goals.

Resources

Here are some articles that will help you deal with the financial aspects of divorce:

• 10 Financial Mistakes in Divorce You Don’t Want to Make
• 8 Ways Divorce Financial Planning Can Help You Avoid Costly Mistakes
• Divorce and Money: 8 Tips to Keep Your Ex From Hurting You Financially in Divorce

6. Assemble Your Team. 

No one should go through a divorce alone.

Trying to go through a divorce without the right help is like trying to win an Olympic gold medal without having coaches and trainers. You might be able to do it, but the odds are against you.

In a perfect world, your divorce team should include professionals to cover every aspect of divorce, including the legal, financial and emotional parts of divorce.

That means that you will be wise to work with a divorce lawyer, a divorce coach, a financial adviser, and a therapist. While that may sound expensive, there are ways to assemble a divorce team that won’t necessarily cost you a fortune.

While it’s always best to hire a divorce lawyer to represent you fully in your divorce, if that’s not financially feasible for you, then you may be able to hire a lawyer as a consultant in your divorce. (Doing that is called getting “unbundled legal services.” That’s now available in many states.)

Putting the right divorce team together takes time. If you can start interviewing and finding the right divorce professionals before you start your divorce, you will be prepared to move forward more quickly once your divorce is in process.

Resources

Here are some articles that will help you put together a quality divorce team:

Can Unbundled Legal Services Make Your Divorce Cheaper?

Finding a Therapist Through BetterHelp

The Ultimate List of Divorce Support Groups and Why You Need One!

7. Explore Your Options.

There are many different ways to resolve your divorce today, including through mediation, litigation, direct negotiation, arbitration, and Collaborative Divorce. The divorce process that you use can directly affect the outcome you get in your divorce.

But you have more options than just a choice of divorce process.

As long as you’re not relying on a judge to make your divorce decisions for you, you also have a lot of options about the WAY your divorce issues get handled.

For example, while most judges will order one spouse to pay the other child support, if you and your spouse can agree, there may be other ways to handle child support, especially if you share time with your kids on a fairly equal basis.

The same thing is true about dividing your assets.  Even if you and your spouse agree that you will split your assets on a percentage basis, WHICH assets each of you gets is a separate issue.

The bottom line is that divorce is full of choices. There isn’t just ONE way to do anything in divorce. Being prepared in your divorce includes KNOWING YOUR OPTIONS.

After all, unless you know what your choices are, you can’t possibly make good ones.

Resources

Here are some articles that will help you understand more of your divorce options, and avoid the pitfalls that come with not knowing those options:

The Real Truth About How Divorce Works: 10 Rules You May Not Know

21 Divorce Mistakes You DON’T Want to Make!

53 Pieces of Divorce Advice Your Lawyer May Not Have Told You (But Should Have!)

8. Set Realistic Goals.

The most important question you should ask yourself when you’re starting your divorce is incredibly simple. Yet, most divorcing people never ask it.

The question is: What do I want?

If you don’t know what you want in your divorce, clearly and specifically, your chances of getting it are incredibly slim.

You also need to prioritize the list of what you want so that you're crystal clear about your top one or two goals. Why? 

... because having too many goals is like having no goals. You can’t focus on everything at once, and you're not going to get everything you want. Knowing what matters the most to you in your divorce will give you the clarity you need to form a strong negotiation strategy.

Finally, in order to achieve your goal(s), they must be legally and financially possible.

You can want your spouse to pay you $1,000,000 in your divorce. But if the total amount of your marital assets is only $10,000, thinking you’ll $1,000,000 is simply not realistic.

Resources

Here’s an article that will help you understand more about goal setting in your divorce:

How To Set Goals For Your Divorce [… And Why You Need To!]

9. Minimize the Damage to Your Kids.

If you have children, one of your top priorities is probably going to be making sure that your divorce doesn’t ruin their lives.

The key is to truly put your children first. While most parents intend to do exactly that, it’s easy to get so caught up in your own pain during a divorce that you don’t think about what your kids are going through as much as you intend.

So, a big part of preparing for divorce when you’re a parent means understanding what will happen to your kids in the divorce process, and then doing your best to minimize their pain. (And, by the way, “kids” includes your adult children, too! Just because your children may be over 18 does not mean that they won’t be affected by your divorce!)

The kinds of things you’ll have to consider include:

• Breaking the news of your divorce to your kids in the most empathetic way possible;
• Supporting your kids’ emotionally as they try to navigate all the changes in their lives;
• Reassuring your kids that, no matter what, you love them and that your divorce is NOT their fault or their responsibility;
• Supporting your kids financially;
• Being honest with your kids about the ways that their lives will change after the divorce.

Whether you like it or not, your divorce WILL affect your children. You can’t control that. But what you CAN control is whether it affects them positively, negatively, or a little bit of both.

Resources

Here are articles that will help you understand how to minimize the damage to your kids in your divorce:

The Surprising Truth About the Effects of Divorce on Children

The Biggest Myth About the Effect of Divorce on Adult Children

How to Tell Your Kids About Divorce: 7 Tips You Need to Know

10. Make Peace With Your Divorce.

Getting a divorce is probably not what you thought you would ever be doing. It may go against everything you told yourself you believed in. It may crush your dreams of how your life was “supposed” to be, or what your future was going to look like.

Yet, divorce happens.

While many people associate the end of a marriage with failure, looking at your divorce in that way will keep you from growing, finding peace, and creating the life you truly desire.

YOU are not your marriage. Even if – by your own definition – your marriage failed, that doesn’t make YOU a failure. It just makes you human.

Coming to terms with your divorce, and the whole host of emotions that go along with it, takes time. It takes work.

It also takes giving yourself grace.

If you’re willing to put in the work and be patient with yourself, you WILL find peace, and with it, a whole new life.

Resources

Here are articles that will help you work through your emotions and find peace both during and after your divorce:

Divorce Stigma: Why Getting Divorced Doesn’t Make You a Failure

Is Your Divorce Story Holding You Back?

Mindset Matters in Divorce: How to Go from Scarcity to Abundance

Changing the Conversation in Your Head

Preparing for divorce is never easy or fun. Yet unless you’re prepared, your divorce is likely to be more painful, drawn out, and expensive.

Being prepared will make you more confident and will give you more control over the way things go down. That, in turn, will help to reduce your stress level AND put you in a better position to move on once your divorce is over.

This post was originally written on January 9, 2019 and was last updated on January 19, 2026.